An article for Arts Professional

Gillian Bates takes a look at the lighter side of life and work as a freelance in the arts.

I was on a train to London when something appalling happened. A man five seats away became seriously delusional – he thought he was alone. He thought he was in his office. He began to make a series of business calls. His name was Trevor. He worked for Century Batteries and he wanted to know if his clients would be happy to switch from Sunrise Gel Batteries to a cheaper, unnamed brand. (I have to say Sunrise, if you are reading this, it is not looking so good. You might need to re-evaluate your brand values. It’s a cut-throat world in gel).

Trevor’s voice was so loud and persistent that I couldn’t block it out. I became distracted from my reading. (I was in fact testing my sense of humour on an Arts Council survey which was imparting several nuggets of obvious information like ‘85% of Internet users are under 60’ (No!). Anyway, as Trevor continued his loud and jolly business calls, I began to think of ways to stop him. I thought I could enter into his delusional state, pretend I was summoning him to a meeting, and lock him in the guard’s van. I thought I could pull the Emergency Stop Handle and complain of psycho-logical harassment. I thought, I seriously thought, of going up to him and chucking his phone out of the window (to the wild applause of other passengers).

Then something happened. My mobile rang. Ohmygod! It’s the journalist I’d been trying to get for three days. And suddenly I wasn’t crammed into a train. I was in my office. I was alone. I was talking in this loud and jolly voice….